Break up. A little voice inside tells you to get your ex back… It almost always starts out the same way, you and your boyfriend or girlfriend break up and then it happens… ZOOOM… Instant enlightening.
„I KNOW what to do to get her / him back“ And you start doing what seems so natural and normal that it just must work.
The thing that seems very intuitive to you when the break up happens is usually the worst thing you can do if you want to reverse the break up and get your ex back. What?
You know all those gut feelings that tell you what to do to get your ex back – they are WRONG!
That, my friend is your fear speaking. Your fear of being alone, your fear of loosing your ex together and, dare I say it, your fear of your ex being happy with someone else.
Now calm your self down, face your fear – you may or may not get your ex back, but you’ll be O.K. either way. Seriously, repeat after me, out loud:
„What ever happens, I can deal with it.“
Now that you’re a bit calmer, let’s go through the usual mistakes.
Your fear will tell you to
DON’T DO IT – Call your ex million of times and let your ex know you still love him (or her)
WHY? – First of all if you two just broke up, your ex needs space, let him or her have it. If you disrespect what they told you they will only push harder against coming back to you. People don’t like doing what is forced upon them. Next you need to let your ex miss you if you want your ex back. And he or she can’t miss you if you’re constantly crowding his or her space. And you want your ex to feel the fear and then your ex will react the way you just wanted to. You want your ex to worry if you still love them after the break up.
DON’T DO IT – Try to make nice and act as a friend immediately after the two of you have broken up
WHY? – this is usually also fearful reaction. You fear you ex will move on and forget about you if you’re not there constantly to remind him or her of your presences. And you fear that your ex will meet someone new. This will NEVER work if your ex is meant to meet someone new, you two being friends wont’ prevent that. It may in fact speed up the process because your ex DOESN’T miss you and knows you’re here for him or her. So why not take his or hers chances with the new person, you’ll be here either way.
DON’T DO IT – When you finally do see your ex ask if your ex wants to get back together or act like you already are
WHY? – First of it’s rationally convincing someone that he or she feels something. You don’t want to discuss with your ex weather he or she wants you back, you want your ex to FEEL it. When you first meet up, act as if it’s your first DATE not like you’ve been married of 10 years. Also make that meeting very short – hour, hour and half tops. And go do something unusually together. That will become a an instant new bond between the two of you, that’s very powerful first “date” material.
Now that you’ve done all that right, don’t rush your ex into a new relationship. Take it slow and get to know each other again. Who knows maybe you discover you don’t even want your ex back.