Being in relationship with an overly jealous girlfriend is very difficult. Everybody who had ever been involved with such a woman would agree with that.
A chronic jealousy like that is often caused by anxiety about love and intimacy. Fear, lack of self-confidence and low self-esteem could also be the culprit.
The constant dread on whether she is good enough and whether her partner loves them or not makes the overly jealous woman behave in special ways to ensure her partner’s long-lasting company. Ironically, it is precisely that behavior that often makes her fears come true!
Her insecurities make her act irritatingly and very annoyingly, not to mention her intrusive and invasive behavior. It is as if she would want to control everything on her partner from the rising of the sun to the going down of it… and often even more!
Wrong ways to deal with a jealous girlfriend
Normally, because of the intrusive and controlling behavior of the jealous partner – as well as her manipulative and overly needy attitude – a man tends to response negatively by withdrawing himself. He also becomes more secretive or even deceptive to avoid more interrogative questions. Some other men even show their objection aggressively to that controlling behavior, in their effort to reassert their autonomy and independence.
Little that they know that by behaving like that, they will only make the problem worse. By being more secretive and deceptive, their jealous girlfriends will be more anxious instead, and their suspicion and jealousy will become stronger.
Showing anger will not help much, too. Showing anger and resentment will only make the jealous woman feel misunderstood and discounted. It would make the situation like a time bomb!
Unless drastic measures be taken, soon enough the behaviors will turn into pattern: the jealous woman becomes more jealous while her man begins to hide and conceal more of his activities, feelings, and thoughts. Over time this pattern of behaviors will become a source of conflict that can pull the couples even further apart.
The better way
So, what is the better way to deal with a jealous girlfriend? By doing almost the exact opposite of the previous pattern: deal with her fears and anxieties directly.
Have a sincere and and open talk about her fears and anxieties. Give your ears to her and listen to what she has to say regarding her insecurities. Don’t discount nor dismiss her feelings.
Fight your inclinations to say things that can make her feel unappreciated or misunderstood like “Ah, not that again!… What’s wrong with you?… “. Remember, every overly jealous person means well for the relationship. She only expresses it the wrong way.
Having a good and meaningful conversation about it will help her a lot. Experience shows that people are more more willing and more comfortable to move beyond their negative feelings if they can talk about it in a friendly and supportive environment.
Be more available and responsive
This is not easy because normally we tend to withdraw and/or conceal things when dealing with an overly jealous girlfriend. And we’ll be tempted to do so even though we know that it will bring more harm than good.
But by more willing to answer her calls for example, you’ll help her to calm down her anxieties and thus demonstrate to her that you are the one that she can count on. This in turn will help her to be less suspicious and more willing to trust you.
Giver her reassurance
Consistently remind her that you love her and that you’re willing to work through the problem together. Overtime, it will help her much to overcome her insecurity feelings.
Help her build her self-esteem and self-confidence
The root of her jealousy is fear, fear of losing someone dear to her. And in most cases, where the jealousies are not based on truths, the root of her fear is insecurities, caused by low self-esteem and low self-confidence.
Knowing this, you can help her to build her self-esteem and self-confidence by showing your love and affection as well as your support and acceptance to her. Thank and compliment her if she does something good. And when giving her correction, do that tenderly and lovingly.
Don’t expect an overnight success when dealing with an overly jealous girlfriend/woman. Expect months or even one or two years to help her overcoming her insecurities. It takes patience and resilience in your part for that. And seek for counseling if needed.