We all want to solve our problems on our own. And we don’t want to get anyone in trouble, or betray a friend’s confidence.

 

But sometimes these things are too big to handle all by ourselves, and it can be a big relief to involve a trusted adult.

 

Who should you talk to? “It depends on the situation,” says Wiseman. “Sit somewhere quietly with your friend and come up with the right person together. Write down what you need from the adult, what you want them to be like. Make sure they have your best interests at heart. It might be a parent, a teacher, a school counselor, a coach, or a friend’s parent. Chart out all the adults you know and figure out who is your best ally.”

 

If you think your friend is in physical danger, but she doesn't want to seek any help, go ahead and tell an adult you trust yourself. "If you think she's at serious risk," says Wiseman, "tell her you are going to go to an adult, and then do it."

If you are concerned that a friend is being abusive, it can also be helpful to talk to an adult, either with your friend or by yourself if he doesn't admit the problem or refuses to go with you. Go to an adult you trust, one who you think will get your friend the help he needs and stick by you and support you for talking to them.